Why BDSM?

By Mistress Aiko Gaea

Isle of Shadows SLURL Click Here

I am asked by students all the time, “Why would anyone participate in BDSM?”. The answer can be complicated. Of course you have individual preferences. However, it goes beyond just preferences.

To understand why people participate and seem to be more accepting of BDSM practices you have to look at the old concept and practices of sadism and masochism to the newer concept of BDSM that is being practiced in a healthier manner.

In the old concept, a sadist was usually someone who enjoyed inflicting pain on a person who had not consented to it. a masochist was someone who felt compelled to experience the pain though it was usually considered imbalanced to enjoy it. Additionally, these participants usually had a significant psychological imbalance or disorder, and their S/M practices quite often could easily cause long term harm, both physically and mentally.

The majority of people who practice BDSM today are very different from the old concept of sadism and masochism. Though with any sub genre of society you will still have those individuals with psychological issues, the vast majority of practitioners have adopted protocol, which indeed make the current practice of BDSM substantially more safe and healthy than in the past.

Before discussing the significant differences between old and new concepts and practices we need to examine the perception and image of pain. When most people think of pain, they attach very negative connotations to it, and the more negative the connotation, the more likely they are to think the experience of pain is awful.

However, in some cultures the stoic endurance of pain has been viewed as a character builder, and consequently in such cultures it is not always thought of as something bad. Similarly, in medical pain clinics, people are taught to change their thinking towards pain so that the pain doesn't bother them as much.

In fact one of my “pets” refers to administered pain as “exquisite” almost artistic in form.

Another aspect of pain is found in the runners high, which also occurs in some other sports activities. In this type of high as a result of exhausting physical exertion people experience muscle pain that causes the body to produce endorphins. Endorphins are similar to morphine and produce pleasurable euphoric feelings. They are also a significant factor in why some people can discover pleasure in feeling pain, but there are other factors as well.

Another development in this new BDSM is the enlightenment from an individual perspective, whether from that of the domme or the subbe. This enlightenment can occur as a result of learning greater self-mastery, either in the sense of developing the ability to administer pain in such a manner that ultimately provides pleasure, or in the sense of learning to approach pain as a challenge to meet and come to enjoy. Sometimes the development of this self- mastery becomes a varying combination of artistic and athletic expression, though it usually would be judged extreme by our cultural norms.

Now let’s get back to the old concept versus the new concept of BDSM. The new concept and current practitioners of BDSM as opposed to the old concept, have come to embrace the practice “Safe, Sane and Consensual”. This means that the BDSM "play" is done in such a manner that will not cause any long term physically or psychological harm or disabling injury.

First, this means that the BDSM play is to be engaged in by participants who are free of significant mental impairment, whether by psychological disturbance or disorder, or by mind-altering substances.

Secondly, each participant must willingly consent to whatever BDSM activity that is being practiced in the “scene”. If during a BDSM scene one person indicates he or she wishes to stop, whether through a prearranged signal, safe word or an outright request, then the other person must stop immediately. Of course this requires prior communication, and people who don't communicate well usually don't do well in BDSM.

One element of the contemporary BDSM lifestyle is also respect and tolerance for other people. Most people in BDSM communities act with respect towards each other even though they may dislike certain aspects, beliefs or practices of some members, this is what is meant by tolerance. Those who don't follow this implicit rule are usually quite often ostracized from the community. The only time tolerance is not shown is when someone engages in activities that are not regarded as safe, sane, and consensual, or when someone expresses hate or hostility based on discrimination.

There are also other reasons why people are attracted to the BDSM lifestyle. Some people enjoy its rebellious quality of going against society's taboos and cultural norms. For many the allure of BDSM would be significantly reduced if the majority of people were openly practicing it. But there probably isn't much need to worry about this happening in the near future. And by no means insignificant, the thrill of doing something that goes against cultural norms, as well as the stimulation of pain itself, can cause the body to produce extra adrenaline that can be very exhilarating.

Furthermore, for many people the practice of this contemporary BDSM leads to what many psychologists refer to as the zone or flow. This is a pleasurable and virtually universally sought after psychological experience in which a person is so immersed in his or her experience that to a great extent the self is forgotten and time becomes significantly altered, and the person feels enriched from the experience.

Though many in the lifestyle have related that due to scenes they’ve experienced incredible sex and heightened orgasms, this is not the goal of  BDSM. Though sex and relationships are an important part of BDSM. A perfect scene will end in catharsis, a total purging of physical and emotional. Some relate this experience as enlightening almost spiritual in nature.

Lastly though, safe, sane and consensual S/M is simply fun, or at least it should be. If you don't enjoy it, you shouldn't be doing it. But if you don't enjoy it, please be opened minded enough to allow others the freedom to enrich their lives with it.

These are some of the many reasons people choose the BDSM lifestyle but the list goes on and on. Personally I find the tolerance of the lifestyle, my personal development, and the truly cerebral aspect of the BDSM lifestyle the reason I have been attracted to it.

Remember if your new or even if you have years of experience in the BDSM lifestyle keep an open mind, communicate, respect others, realize there is always something new to learn and embrace the motto Safe, Sane and Consensual. Lastly, have fun. This will lead to a mutually enjoyable BDSM relationship.

Aiko Gaea is Owner and head Mistress of the Isle of Shadows BDSM Community, lead instructor at House of Shadows training facility has been in SL over 2 years. She has over 7 years real life and online experience in the BDSM lifestyle.